Questionable Contaminated
Property Acquisition Techniques



This article is one of a series of editorial articles that express personal 
opinions and views. They are written with no pretensions to be error free. I 
will gladly correct substantial errors of fact. My opinions can change, 
depending upon my awareness of changes in factual information. It is my intent 
to remain focused on specific public issues, regarding the personalities 
involved. For all I know, all the characters are saints, concerning their 
private lives and other public business... 

Changes may be requested by e-mailing the details to 

    The Washooski Chronicles - A Personal Snapshot of Chimpantique
Part 1.                        

Some time ago, in the City of Chimpantique, worked a young chimp, "Lucky" 
Washooski, who inherited a salvage yard and a right of way property near the 
east side of the Chimpantique River, within the City of Chimpantique. The 
properties were part of the estate of a deceased uncle with an interest in a 
defunct business known as Ishpitoon Iron and Steel.

Lucky Washooski was a typical rural product of the sovereign State of 
Chimpanistan, average bright and not afraid, or too proud, to get his hands 
dirty. His background could be considered as a rural blue collar worker, with no 
particular skills, as a consequence of a poor rural education and the 
requirement of hard physical labor, in his youth.

Choosing to work to pay his bills and feed his family, and having not much more 
than his youthful experience in a family metal salvage business, Lucky operated 
a backwoods metal salvage business, "Washooski Salvaged Metals", on the property 
he inherited. His local business, as local rumor had it, was not particularly 
lucrative, but it provided a great value to local residents and businesses with 
the necessity to dispose of metal "junk" at minimal cost; free to most that 
hauled the metal to his newly acquired salvage yard. The beneficial relationship 
continued for several decades, while, unknown to most, he was the target of 
official abuse of varying degrees, from those chimps associated with the 
government and administration of Chimpantique.

Some chimps were jealous and coveted the objects of Lucky's good fortune. 
Eventually, some local business chimps, much more aware than most, realized that 
the owner of the Washooski property controlled access to a significant part of 
the river, including the east side of the local mill dam, and flume. Other 
chimps, with political and social aspirations, feared their community status was 
challenged by an apparent Ishpitoon "cedar chimp" that had acquired potential 
power beyond their dreams. Most local chimps thought that the game of Monopoly 
was nothing more than a board game.

Some years after Lucky inherited his property, the "Stranger" settled in the 
community of Chimpantique. Stranger was a world traveller who had learned much 
about chimpanzee and human nature, from the school of hard knocks, and academia. 
Stranger observed and learned about those involved with the local government of 
Chimpantique, and, for a short period of time, thought he might make a 
difference as a chimp, able and unafraid to learn, with a sincere desire to 
enhance the community of Chimpantique. As a stranger, Stranger had no historical 
allegiances to foul his perception and judgement, and, with no morally justified 
reason, he was unwilling to hurt his neighbours, knowingly, and he had no 
desire to dominate them.

Stranger had as clear a perception of the new community he lived in, as his 
personal necessities, interests, and knowledge delineated; unclouded by the 
compromises of ambition. He understood, in the historical and philosophical 
sense, that, in a civilized community, no one was another's "nigger".

During much of his life, Stranger had learned much about his own basic predatory 
nature, and that of his fellow chimpanzees, and he was sufficiently confident in 
his knowledge to have no fear of recognizing and speaking openly about that 
which he knew to be true; to the chagrin of his fellow deceitful chimps that 
would, given the opportunity, victimize him, and others, with impunity.

In the early 1980's, Stranger became aware of, and observed, Washooski Salvaged 
Metals, and in the late 1980's started to dispose of his metal junk at the 
business site. From the late 1980's, to the late 1990's, Stranger often walked 
to his workplace, in downtown Chimpantique, along much of the old Ishpitoon Iron 
and Steel right of way property, adjacent to the east bank of the Chimpantique 
River, the property that Lucky Washooski had inherited, with the salvage yard.

Over the years, during his walks, along what was now the Washooski riverside 
property, Stranger pondered the occasional signs of intermittent strife between 
Washooski and government authorities of Chimpantique. At infrequent intervals, 
signs posting different sections of the property would appear, and be ripped 
away. At times, vehicles would be parked on the property, and then be moved. A 
flatbed trailer showed up several times, once with an offer to sell some of the 
property. Eventually the trailer would be moved. At times a Washooski electro-
magnet salvage crane would be parked on or about the property. Stranger would 
notice, at times, plastic ribbon and "fence" materials across different parts
of the Washooski property. He concluded that what he saw was a consequence of
an unpublicized fight, Washooski vs. "City Hall", for control of the
Washooski's riverside property.

It was obvious, to Stranger, that he was observing the consequences of a serious 
difference of opinion, but there was no "official" public communication that he 
was ever made aware of, until early 2005, when the new City Manager of 
Chimpantique, Sheena Alderpoor, answered his queries in a candid fashion. Prior 
to his first extended conversation with Sheena, he had heard, from previous City 
Manager Yup-Yup and City Tax Assessor Huddlemouse, nothing more than evasive or 
deceitful innuendo that Washooski did not own the property.

From the mid 1990's on, Stranger witnessed the consequences of ugly local 
government business, that no one wished to talk about, or report in "the media", 
in a clear and unambiguous manner. After a short, and disappointing, stint as a 
City Councilchimp of Chimpantique, Stranger made it his business to speak, 
infrequently, to "Lucky" Washooski, to keep abreast of Lucky's version of a 
situation that Stranger could only speculate about, because of the obvious 
evasion and deceit, from Chimpantique officials.

As the years passed, in his new home community, Stranger considered many local 
"political" events, and eventually, to his satisfaction, reached the conclusion 
that chimpanzee nature had persevered in Chimpantique, as it had in the rest of 
the world; because that is the nature of Chimpanzees. Dominant chimpanzees take 
what they want, shit where they want, form alliances with the stronger chimps 
of the community, and victimize the weaker chimps of the community.

It appeared, to Stranger, that official chimps of the City of Chimpantique were 
more than happy to accept Washooski's payment of property taxes, levied against 
"the property" he had inherited, while telling Stranger, when he inquired, that 
Washooski had little or no right to the property. Apparently, logical ambiguity 
was lost to some in Chimpantique city administration.

During his stint as Councilchimp, as a member of the Chimpantique Board of Tax 
Review, Stranger helped to review requested property tax relief, by various 
Chimpantique residents. Stranger was stunned by the casual manner of 
Chimpantique Mayor "Mugger" Arnett, as she and two other Chimpantique City 
Council members of the Board, lowered the taxes of a mayor's friend, contrary to 
law. Stranger was offended when Washooski, who was present to request similar 
treatment, was treated in an opposite manner, and referred to as if he was mere 
chimp trash, in subsequent conversation, after he left. It became, at that 
instant, obvious to Stranger that the apparent evidence of ugly public business 
he perceived, along the Washooski "river" property, was very likely to represent 
his deduced conclusion, given the evidently corrupt and cowardly chimps he was 
sitting with.

It was not unexpected, but Stranger, as a general rule, until he had sufficient 
reason to do otherwise, extended to others the conditional consideration he 
expected as a chimp with human aspirations.

As time progressed, Stranger came to understand that chimpanzee nature dominated 
most activities of his peers, at the international to local level. He became 
more at ease, as the years passed, with his awareness that basic chimpanzee
nature, molded by unknown millions of years of evolution, could not be undone by
a few thousand years of recorded history, and wishful thinking. The most that
could be hoped for, by those that cared, was that their prudent self interest
would prevail, to one degree, or another, until time for the human species ran
out. Natural selection would prevail, and there was little to be done about it, 
beyond living a life with personal meaning, beyond chimpanzee aspirations.

Stranger understood his perception of the de-facto Chimpantique denial of 
Washooski's claim to his inherited property, as the sole unsubstantiated basis, 
of significance, for the City of Chimpantique's barbaric behaviour. The City had 
used blatant deceit and denial of established fact and law to deprive Aldo Bruns 
of his land, to replace what Chimpantique Quarry Inc. had chiseled from the 
established Chimpantique city right of way property for the Skyside Road. 
Washooski was the obvious and apparent heir to the consequences of that 
official, and successful, monkey bang of Aldo Bruns. City Manager Yup-Yup, and 
Chimpantique City Attorney, "Don" Filorini, understood how the game was played,
and Stranger's taxes helped to pay for Brun's "rape", and were being used to
help pay the abusers of Washooski.

Stranger perceived that Washooski was forced, by official Chimpantique denial of 
his ownership of the property he inherited, to maintain his claim, in a public 
fashion, by parking his vehicles on his property, and discouraging unrestricted 
public access with posting signs, plastic tape and plastic fencing. The
consequences were Chimpantique legal actions against Lucky Washooski, with the
apparent sanction of Chimpantique City Council. Needless to say, those legal
actions, precipitated by City Manager Yup-Yup and City Attorney "Don" Filorini,
and enforced by Chimpantique Director of Public Safety, Dink Peckerwood, were 
designed to intimidate and break a chimp who had every right to own and use his 
property, in peace, without the apparent continuous, deliberate, malicious and 
unjustified claims against his ownership.

At the same time as the City's legal administrative goons attempted to force 
Washooski to sell his property, and get the City administration monkeys off his 
back, another group of chimps, representing themselves as the forward thinking 
City of Chimpantique Downtown Development Authority, were publicized as trying 
to purchase Washooski's properties in a responsible and civilized manner. City 
Manager Yup-Yup was a member of the C.D.D.A., and, thereby, appeared to Stranger 
to be attending to the official City business of beating Washooski with a club 
of malicious and coercive legal action in one hand, while, with the other hand, 
holding the C.D.D.A.'s offer that Washooski shouldn't refuse. Implicit in the 
C.D.D.A's offer was the unwritten term that all of his City administration 
authorized legal grief woes would cease; if he accepted the offer. 

As one who peddled, and read, New York City newspapers, and went to school with 
the children of Mafia chimps, in his tender youth, Stranger was well aware of 
how extortion tactics worked.

Stranger marvelled at the gorilla tactics used. He marvelled at the blatant 
perversion of law and ethics, by public officials that claimed to represent the 
public good. He was disgusted with the elected chimps that remained silent in 
public, while, apparently, in executive sessions, sanctioned the legal beating
and extortion of a local businesschimp. He was in awe of the unquestioned abuse
of power, that he must help finance. He thought of "Don" Filorini, providing
legal counsel to beat Washooski and make an offer that shouldn't be refused.
He wondered why his taxes were being used to finance the pay and benefits of 
monkeys paid to extort the riverside property from Washooski.

Stranger wondered if it was because Washooski was an Ishpitoon chimp, and
therefore, being a member of no major alliance in town, was considered a fair
target. Stranger could not fail to see the connection, because Stranger did
not watch sitcoms.

Then he remembered. Chimpanzees are slaves to their simian heritage. They are 
unable to act contrary to their nature. Chimps and humans are two distinct 
species. Humans may choose to live like chimpanzees, or not; but chimpanzees do 
not have the intellectual tools to live like humans. Even though the two species 
share some 95% of their DNA, the other 5% enables one ape to choose to act 
humane, while the other can only mimic certain human behaviour.

Stranger was not filled with the milk of human kindness by what he perceived.

Stranger learned, over the years, that his foresight, understanding, and concern 
for the community of Chimpantique,(and the rest of the world) was worthless 
because he was a failure in his attempts to influence substantial "progressive" 
change. He realized that the reasons for his failures, which were many, were 
mostly associated with his distaste for the simian predator-prey relationship, 
evident in most chimp activities. Due to the influence of time, natural 
selection favors aggressive competition for survival and procreation, in the 
biological, economic, and political sense. Predators and prey are necessary 
components. Stranger never had the desire to be either, chose not to be either, 
and, therefore, most of his goals were doomed to inevitable failure.

It is the nature of most chimps to dominate and prey upon their neighbours, to 
whatever extent they choose, and to the extent that the perceived consequences 
are acceptable. It is not the nature of domineering chimps to grant supportive 
recognition to "subordinate" chimps that are no part of the current power 
structure and are perceived to be a threat.

Among ignorant chimps, in general, perception is everything, and dominant chimps 
gain and maintain power with the help of deceit and evasion, because it takes 
far less time, knowledge, and skill to mold fantasy and use evasion to further 
simian goals. For dominant chimps, there is no necessity to base decisions on facts,
context, circumstances and reason, if their goals can be achieved with effortless
fantasy. Subordinate chimps are easily manipulated with deceit, because they cannot
think, and, consequently, accept what they are told by dominant chimps. For dominant
chimps, the ends justify the means, as the national Bush Chimps made so obvious. 

With his growing awareness of his impotence to influence change, while change 
was taking place, Stranger decided to allow the "normal" flow of Chimpantique 
government business, without his meddling. He chose, instead, to observe and 
cogitate, and, depending on his interest and the outcome of any particular 
business that caught his attention, he would write about it, from an historical 
and personal perspective.

After City Manager Yup-Yup retired, Sheena Alderpoor was hired as the new City 
Manager of Chimpantique and chose to approach, in a manner other than that of a 
thug, the years of ugly consequences of Washooski's inheritance of the old 
Ishpitoon Iron and Steel right of way property.

In his conversations with Sheena, in early 2005, Stranger made her aware of many 
of his observations, speculation, conclusions, and his interest in seeing the 
city own the Washooski property in an amicable transaction. Sheena then made him 
aware that, after getting her feet wet as the new city manager, she found 
herself the defendant in a small claims court action for ~$160, for the towing 
of a Washooski vehicle, from his property. Her inquiries, regarding the basis of 
the small claims court action, led her to some of the ugly history. She then 
informed Department of Public Safety personnel that the Washooski property was 
surveyed, and titled in Washooski's name, and he had the right to use his 
property in any legal manner he chose. In her new position, she stopped the 
years of unjustified harassing legal actions, enforced by Dink Peckerwood, 
Director of Chimpantique Public Safety.

When she became aware of "Don" Filorini's legal action, for the City of 
Chimpantique to take the Washooski property with a legal action based upon the 
theory of adverse possession, she stopped it. The basic details of Filorini's 
legal action, from Sheena, led Stranger to wonder aloud, with passionate empathy 
for Washooski's position in the destructive and alienating process. It was hard 
to accept as fact, the total lack of ethics required for the City of 
Chimpantique to be involved in an unpublicized, near-secret legal action to seize 
Washooski's property, while at the same time the Chimpantique Downtown 
Development Authority, was negotiating with Washooski, with the publicized 
intent to purchase the property.

From Stranger's perspective, the community was made aware of a publicized effort 
by the C.D.D.A., over a period of six years, to purchase the property from 
Washooski. During that time, the public was left to infer that Washooski was the 
reason for most failed efforts, with "mandatory" compliance with certain federal 
and state environmental regulations being responsible for the other failures. At 
no time was Stranger made aware, by any public source, that the City was 
harassing and threatening Washooski, for years, prior to, and during 

Stranger "knew" that if the Washooski property business was dragged into court,
with the likes of Circuit Court Judge Bark presiding, Washooski would have no
more chance of retaining ownership of his property, than Aldo Bruns did. Bark's
bite was as just as likely to crush Washooski as it did Bruns, by ignoring a body
of law, and precedents, and giving the judgment to "Don" Filorini, in favor of a
city administration and council that was dominated by chimps that cared little
past "deceit works" and "Might is right."

Stranger knew, from similar dirty city business concerning the Pitz and Bruns 
properties, that Chimpantique City Council relished the convenience of hired 
legal "help" to do their dirty work, because it required, from them, officially, 
no effort, time, expense, or personal responsibility, and the process is legal. 
Win or loose, taxpayers pay the bill, much of the ugly details are unpublicized, 
no one is held accountable, and legal "counsel" eats well. 

Once again, to Sheena's predecessors, ethics and logical ambiguity were of no 
concern. Stranger remembered no public official, attending a public meeting that 
Stranger witnessed, ever making a public statement that indicated any degree of 
dissatisfaction with the process Stranger witnessed. To the best of Stranger's 
knowledge, in private, no one, other than Sheena and Councilchimp Everwary, 
mentioned it. No one, other than Sheena, took any major action to end it. To 
Stranger, as far as the public was concerned, ugly public business was born in 
secrecy, and ended in secrecy, under the cloak of executive sessions.

To stranger, once again, it was evidence that Chimpantique was governed by those 
with no ethics, or with ethics that were toggled on and off, depending on the 
degree of self interest in any particular business being considered. He 
understood that chimps, and humans that choose to act like chimps, have little 
use for ethics, especially when they oppose a personal bias or goal. Stranger 
knew that effective ethics are conditional upon the ability and choice to 
recognize, understand, and promote civilized behaviour, regardless if a 
particular civilized behaviour is in the perceived self interest of any 
particular chimp, at any particular time.

There was little doubt, to Stranger, that current and past members of the 
Chimpantique Downtown Development Association not only knew about the current 
ugly business of Chimpantique's effort to extort Washooski's property, but they 
knew of at least one similar past effort, also associated with C.D.D.A. goals. A 
pole barn building property, that stranger associated with commercial fishing 
enterprises, and a past cat food "factory", on the east side of the 
Chimpantique River harbor, had been the rumored extortion target of a past 
Chimpantique effort. The same City Manager Yup-Yup, and his mentor, "Don" 
Filorini, were the rumored architects of that attempt. As far as Stranger knew, 
the property still belonged to a private owner; and the owner of record, at the 
time of the C.D.D.A.'s effort to purchase it, walked away from the negotiations 
after becoming incensed by the City's effort to seize the property.

The rumor was believable to Stranger, based on his own first hand awareness of 
the uncivilized strife surrounding the Washooski property. He knew chimps were
unable to learn the value of ethics, and had no historical perspective.

Early in 2005, Stranger attended a Chimpantique City Council meeting at which 
Envira "Look" Closely, of the engineering firm of Bigcock and Co., provided the 
council with a briefing concerning an environmental contamination baseline 
evaluation process, of the Washooski property. After the meeting, at which no 
queries or comments were solicited from the taxpaying public paying the C.D.D.A. 
project bills, Stranger spoke to Envira to ensure his understanding of the 
process, and the reasons for it. After a short private discussion, in council 
chambers, addressing Stranger's specific concerns, Stranger felt confident that 
he understood the basic concepts upon which the contamination and remediation 
process was based.

At that time, Stranger told Envira that it was his understanding that if the 
property was not a known "toxic waste dump", and the City purchased the property 
with no sure knowledge that serious contamination of the property existed, and 
if it was purchased at a price consistent with common knowledge that some 
historical contamination of the entire downtown riverfront property was likely, 
if not guaranteed, due to historical industrial and commercial use; then 
Washooski had little to fear from environment contamination based official 
reprisal, and Chimpantique would be eligible for existing state and federal 
funds to identify and remediate existing contamination, after it purchased the 
property. Envira indicated that Stranger's stated understanding was as good as 
any. As time progressed, Stranger grew less confident in that perspective.

It was obvious to Stranger, from reading, and his conversation with Envira, that 
no one benefits by a choice piece of property remaining vacant, posted and 
unused, because an individual or government would became liable for any 
contamination discovered on the property. It was public knowledge, to those that 
cared, that a pile of "brownfield" legislation existed to foster the transfer of 
valuable contaminated private property to public ownership and use. The purpose 
of the legislation, among other goals, was to enhance the transfer, use, and 
development of such property. It was not the purpose of existing legislation and 
regulations, to screw a private seller or public purchaser, for an extended 
history of environmental damage, for which it would be next to impossible to 
prove "responsibility", beyond their ownership of the property.

It was Stranger's understanding, from Envira's public and private briefing, 
after the Spring of 2005 snows had melted, and the frost was out of the ground, 
a "Phase 1 Environmental Assessment" process was due to be completed, to 
establish "due diligence" on the City's behalf, and some 45 days from the start 
of that process, the City was bound to own the property. It sounded so simple, 
that, in a subsequent discussion with City Manager Sheena Alderpoor, Stranger 
told her that he would keep his distance and let the cards fall where they may, 
because, even though he was confident that the C.D.D.A. would find a way to 
trash the project, in some unforeseen manner, he had sufficient reason to be at 
ease with Sheena's understanding of the process, and her will to see it work.

Stranger knew of more recent toxic or hazardous waste disposal on public and 
private property, in the City of Chimpantique, than he had any reason to believe 
Washooski was responsible for, since he inherited the properties. For almost two 
decades, while walking Washooski's property, Stranger had witnessed the new 
residue from the dumping of burning barrel residue, garbage and toxic liquids, 
along the adjacent river bank property owned by Chimpantique Papers Inc. He was 
aware of the illegal dumping in much of the community. He had witnessed the 
deliberate disposal of toxic or hazardous materials on private property and 
public property. Every community has its chimps, and regardless of how much 
chimp there might be in Washooski, Stranger knew there was more in many esteemed 
community chimps, including the past Chimpantique Mayor, John "Slow" Hump, and 
his partner in public environmental malfeasence, City Manager Yup-Yup.

Based on Stranger's historical perception, the evident concern, voiced by 
certain public officials, regarding the "potential responsibility" of Washooski 
or the City of Chimpantique for contamination, was far more self serving 
"Chimp Little" fears of a falling contaminated sky, than it was justified 
concern. To Stranger it was more fear from ignorance, and the inability to 
consider the issues in an ethical, and creative manner.     

It was Stranger's understanding that if the City wanted a "guarantee" to be held 
harmless for any past contamination issues, then a certain Chimpanistan 
Department of Environmental Quality, C.D.E.Q., regulatory process had to be 
followed. A Phase 1 Environmental Assessment had to be completed to determine if 
the Washooski property met the C.D.E.Q. definition of a contaminated property 
that required a continued Baseline Environmental Assessment, B.E.A. If 
necessary, a Phase II Subsurface Investigation would be conducted, followed by 
an C.D.E.Q. Determination of Adequacy. Government grant funding for the 
contamination assessment and remediation was not available to individuals, but 
was available to local governments, after a binding, good faith, and legal 
commitment was made by a legitimate governing body to purchase the property.

Thus, among other intents, the grant funding requirements encouraged the 
transfer of valuable but contaminated property, with full disclosure, from an 
individual to a government, with provisions to protect the seller and purchaser. 
The terms of the grant funding offer were such that it discouraged the use of 
fraud to finance the contamination assessment, for a private owner, before a 
firm public commitment to purchase the suspect property.

As Stranger understood the grant funding regulatory requirements, a defined and 
legal commitment to purchase the property, had to be made, by a government body, 
before any public grant funds were available for any of the B.E.A., prior to the 
purchase and transfer of the property from a private to a public owner. Once 
again, to Stranger, it was a "no-brainer".

From Stranger's point of view, correct or incorrect, if the property was 
purchased immediately, by the City, and the City did nothing with it, the City 
was not responsible for any contamination issues, because it had not contributed 
to existing contamination, and by doing nothing with the property, it was not 
adding to the contamination. What it could do, for an eminently reasonable 
price, is own a large chunk of strategically located property, adjacent to the 
east bank of the Chimpantique River, that would provide future generations a 
significant green zone in the heart of town, and continued access to over a half 
mile of lower Chimpantique River. What it could do, in a continued effort to 
maintain a spirit of co-operation between Chimpantique Papers Inc., and the 
City, was to grant a conditional easement to the mill, so that it could access, 
at will, its various properties from the City's. What it could do, was almost 
limitless, as long as the activity, or development added nothing to existing 
contamination, and did not compromise public health.

With a faint degree of hope for the future negotiations regarding the Washooski 
property, shortly after his discussion with Sheena, in late April, 2005, 
Stranger left the community to care for his invalid father in another state and 
was unaware of the "negotiation" details that followed. At the time he left, 
some five years into the C.D.D.A.s "negotiations" with Washooski, Stranger was 
unaware of any good faith legal commitment, by the City of Chimpantique, to 
purchase the property, and become eligible for public funds and, 
consequentially, reduce Washooski's personal liability for a history of 
alleged environmental ills that plagued his inherited river front property. 

Part 2.

After Stranger returned to Chimpantique, in early October, 2005, his interest in 
local chimp activity was almost zero. After a torturous ordeal, dealing with 
chimps elsewhere in the country, it was time to remain distant from local 
politics for awhile, and return to his normal laid back life, while coming 
abreast of local issues that were of interest to him. Eventually, his interest 
returned, and as he resumed his walks along the Chimpantique River, he became 
aware that a serious difference of opinion still existed between the City and 

So what went wrong with a "no brainer"?  Musta bin Washooski's fault, agin, eh?

First, and foremost, unknown to Stranger, in early 2005, the C.D.D.A. spent 
local taxpayer funds and not state or federal grant funds, to pay for the 2005 
Phase 1 assessment. By using local funding, the C.D.D.A. had to follow no 
regulatory requirements, as there were with available grant money, therefore 
there was no necessity for the C.D.D.A. to commit to purchase the Washooski 
property, and it didn't. Having "lured" Washooski into a process that made his 
private business, public, they may have increased his liability, by bypassing 
the C.D.E.Q. B.E.A. process, deliberately, or otherwise. As Stranger knew, the 
C.D.E.Q. B.E.A. regulatory processes would have provided a degree of protection 
to Washooski, as well as the City of Chimpantique.

It appeared to Stranger that the chimps had their way, with Washooski, again. It 
appeared that the basic predatory chimp philosophy of "Don" Filorini and ex-City 
Manager Yup-Yup, still held sway in the C.D.D.A.

It appeared, to Stranger, that he had screwed Washooski, again, by proxy, and 
various "officials" were making quotable ugly noises to justify the process. 
Newly elected Mayor, Dink Peckerwood, thanked the C.D.D.A. for its long term 
honorable and justified efforts, and wished Washooski luck while emphasizing 
that "...the C.D.D.A. offer to Washooski had been fair... and ...the property 
needs to be cleaned up." Flea McDougle, an environmental consultant for the 
Chimpanistan Association of Counties was reported to say that Washooski "...was 
liable for things on his property..."  and "...the cost of cleanup could likely 
exceed 10 times the considered value of the property..." and the C.E.P.A. " 
"very concerned" that contamination is migrating off the Washooski property, 
going into the Chimpantique River and affecting adjacent property." and 
"...Washooski can't allow that to just sit there. He has an affirmative 
obligation under the law. If he has knowledge of contamination, he must address 
it, no matter what it costs."

The ugly noises were very similar to the unsubstantiated public allegations and
innuendo he heard from the C.E.P.A. and the C.D.E.Q., when they leaned on 
Chimpantique Papers Inc. regarding their accusations that the mill was responsible
for P.C.B. contaminants in the Chimpantique River. At that time, the community
supported the mill in its effort to minimize its liability.

Stranger supported the mill's position. Even though he had no personal knowledge 
that the mill was "innocent", he had even less reason to believe C.E.P.A. and 
C.D.E.Q. officials that offered no public factual substantiation for their 
public allegations; allegations that attempted to convict Chimpantique Papers 
Inc. in the "Court of Public Opinion". Regarding the Washooski property, 
Stranger could see many of the same chimps on the opposite side of the ethical 
and philosophical issues, doing exactly the opposite, because it was not in 
their perceived self interest to do otherwise. Stranger knew history and ethics 
means nothing to chimpanzees. What was good for the goose was not good for the 

In the Chimpantique court of public opinion, where chimps judge most public 
business, to "prove" the absence of unsubstantiated alleged "fact" is as 
difficult and logically impossible for Lucky Washooski, as it was for 
Chimpantique Papers Inc.; and Iraq. The source of the difficulty is the logical 
fallacy of assuming that something is true unless proven otherwise. Chimps have 
no use for logic. Chimps exercise judgement based on the immediacy of their 
personal self interest.

On the recent international scene, Iraq could not prove the falsity of
unsubstantiated allegations of non-existent "weapons of mass destruction" and 
"international terrorist bases". On the current Chimpantique scene, Washooski 
can not prove the falseness of unsubstantiated allegations and implications 
that he should pay, one way or the other, for all the alleged, speculated and 
unsubstantiated possible historical chemical contamination of his inherited 

Given the set of all universal possibilities, it is impossible, for an accused,
to disprove any false accusatory statement. There is always an argument, with
equal value, and a real or imaginary basis, that contradicts any defence. Given
the set of all earthly rational possibilities, it is almost impossible, depending,
to a great extent, upon the accused's resources. That simple principle of logic,
is, arguably, the major principle of much civilized law, that holds an individual
innocent unless proven guilty, beyond a reasonable doubt.

As Stranger understood the issues, if Flea McDougle wasn't talking through her 
anus, the C.D.D.A. had made a terrible error by hiring Bigcock and Company to do 
the Phase 1 assessment. From the ugly public noises coming from Flea's corner, 
she knew far more than the professionals at Bigcock, and was a far more 
qualified source of quotable testimony than any of the documented data in the 
2005 Phase 1 assessment.

In light of his personal observations, and selective reading of the 2005 Phase 1 
assessment, Stranger was appalled by the ugly chimp noises. Stranger noted only 
two known chemical contamination problems, of consequence, identified in the 
2005 Phase 1 assessment. One was an area of ground, 7'x14', contaminated with 
P.C.B.s, for which Washooski signed a C.E.P.A. consent decree, in 1995, that 
fined him $13,000 and mandated he remediate the contaminated site. The other was 
a small scale battery reclamation site adjacent to his office building. On 
what, beyond pure Chimp speculation, Flea based her quoted assertions, was a 
mystery to Stranger, yet Flea got the newsprint ink. 

Envira Closely, of Bigcock and Company Engineering, signed the 2005 Phase 1 
assessment and made no such assertions, and engaged in no such speculation. What 
Envira did, as "Senior Environmental Scientist/Project Manager" was say that a 
"Phase 2 evaluation of the property is highly recommended." and, in context, 
that a request for certain documents, from the C.E.P.A., was refused, and a 
request, from Washooski, for related information, was refused " he was 
instructed...". It was obvious to Stranger, that Flea's unsubstantiated 
speculation was worth more ink than three pounds of fact based documentation 
from Bigcock and Company Engineering.

It was apparent, to Stranger, that the C.E.P.A., Washooski and Bigcock had a much 
more clear understanding, than C.D.D.A. officials and Flea McDougle, of the 
potential liability from the destructive effects of circulating official 
speculation, implications and innuendo.

As for Mayor Peckerwood's public statement, Stranger knew, from witnessing past 
public business, that Peckerwood, as a member of the C.D.D.A., was as flexible 
as any chimp with no spine. He was not likely to have the foresight or courage 
to question the public policy of his peers. His public claim to fame had nothing 
to do with his ability to distinguish right from wrong, and act appropriately.

In a newspaper article regarding the failure of the Washooski property 
"negotiations", Flea McDougle was reported to have said "When its a public 
process, everything is above-board and out in the open". Stranger choked, when 
he read it.

After considering the possible implications of Washooski's continued public 
beating, Stranger was left with a host of unanswered questions, in his mind. The 
questions he asked at the C.D.D.A. meeting of 05/16/06, follow:

Q. How much Chimpantique D.D.A. money was spent for the last 2 Phase 1 

A. Approximately, $10,000.

Q. For who's benefit was the first Phase 1 assessment completed?

A. The C.D.D.A.'s.

Q.What is the C.D.D.A.'s intent regarding the money previously set aside for the 
Warshawsky properties?

A.It will remain earmarked for the Washooski property until there is no
reasonable hope for a transaction.

Q.Who suggested the option of starting the 2005 B.E.A., paid for with 
Chimpantique D.D.A. funds, outside of the requirements and protections of the 
established legislation and regulations that accompany the use of available 
grant funds?

A. The C.D.D.A.'s. The C.D.D.A. was not aware of grant funding, at the time.

Regarding any and all accessible documented fact, that the C.D.D.A. is aware 
of, that applies to the Washooski properties:

Q.Does any C.D.D.A. member know how and where to obtain the documented basis for 
Flea McDougle's statements quoted in the 05/11/06 edition of the Chimpantique 
Tribune newspaper?

Q.Does any C.D.D.A. member care to identify the available and verifiable
documented basis for Flea McDougle's quoted statements?

Q.Does any C.D.D.A. member care to share the C.D.D.A.'s perception, regarding Flea 
McDougle's quoted statements, and that of the current Mayor, as it might compare 
to the inflammatory rhetoric of the C.E.P.A. and the C.D.E.Q, during the 
early days of the unsubstantiated public allegations directed to Chimpantique 
Papers Inc.?

A.We do not know enough to comment... 

During the C.D.D.A.'s business discussion of Washooski's recent refusal of a 
$196,000 offer, various members of the C.D.D.A. expressed their confusion and 
ignorance of why he refused the offer. Chimpantique City Manager, Sheena 
Alderpoor, as a member of the sitting C.D.D.A., expressed her position that the 
C.D.D.A. could not offer more than the appraisal. After some discussion, the 
consensus, agreeing with the voiced opinion of a local bank member, decided to 
leave the last refused offer on the table.

Once again, Stranger's mind considered the situation, based on his historical 

If the street rumors were true, it appeared the that the C.D.D.A. had learned 
nothing from its experience with the owner of the "catfood factory", when he 
walk away from C.D.D.A. "negotiations". 

The first observation that came to mind, listening to the C.D.D.A. business 
chatter, was the possible lack of agreement, between the C.D.D.A., and 
Washooski, regarding the value of the property. Stranger had seen the Chimpcraft 
County Board of Supervisors use a property appraisal provided by an appraiser, 
hired by the purchaser, Chimpantique Behavioural Health. The Chimpcraft County 
Board sold the property for $60,000 when their own tax appraiser provided a more 
realistic $180,000 appraisal. Stranger applied the same twisted business ethics 
to the offer made Washooski, by the C.D.D.A., based on an appraiser the city 
hired. Stranger had no faith in the offer, for a very substantiated reason, so 
why would Washooski, especially if his attorney, Smoked Herring, had done a 
little homework, and did not fall off the turnip truck, the night before the 

If Washooski owned the property, and if it was not necessary for him to sell it, 
why should he sell it, or negotiate from a likely low price determined, 
unilaterally, by an agent working for a potential buyer that had abused him for 
years, even if C.D.D.A. members had chosen to remain ignorant of his abuse.

If, in the Phase 1 assessment, there was little more than professional 
speculation about probable chemical contamination, and there was no available 
data, or history, that proved actual significant chemical contamination, why
should Washooski be in a hurry to sell to Chimpantique, at a price its appraiser
had  determined. Why should he subject his family to the consequences of
continued expensive liability promised by those that had hung him in the court
of public opinion? Why should anyone expect him to act in a gracious and
civilized manner, after he had been treated, for years, as little more than an
ignorant "black chimp"?


Regardless of Mayor Peckerwood's statement that it was a fair offer, and 
Washooski's property "...needs to be cleaned up...", it was Stranger's personal 
substantiated opinion, that Mayor Peckerwood was wrong.

If Washooski's property "needs to be cleaned up", so did adjacent property. If 
substantial chemical contamination of his property existed, it was not indicated 
in the Phase 1 assessment. If it was Mayor Peckerwood's intent to issue a veiled 
public threat, Stranger had no idea on what it was based. If it was Flea 
McDougle's intent to issue a more apparent threat, stranger had no idea on what 
it was based. Both Peckerwood and Flea could make all the ugly noises they 
wished, but ugly noises, without substantiation, made them ugly; and those they 

Once again, it was obvious, to Stranger, that public business was not public, 
regardless of Flea McDougle's claim to the contrary.

Not only did Stranger consider some obvious reasons why Washooski's might be 
dissatisfied with Chimpantique's offer, but he considered some other possible 

What is Washooski's potential liability if the C.D.D.A. obtained a Phase 1 
Environmental Assessment, purchased with local government funds, outside of the 
C.D.E.Q. regulatory process, with no firm commitment by the City of Chimpantique 
to purchase the property? What is the impact on Washooski's liability by the 
public availability of March 2005 Phase 1 assessment information? What liability 
has Washooski incurred, by allowing a Phase 1 assessment of his inherited 
property by Bigcock and Co. Engineering "professionals", hired by the C.D.D.A., 
outside of any applicable regulatory process that may have provided Washooski 
some security from the consequences of historical environmental "crimes" he had 
nothing to do with? How more vulnerable is Washooski to further legal coercion 
by any government agent unfettered by the regulations of a grant funded, 
official, regulations based B.E.A. process that defines everyone's options, 
responsibilities and liabilities in the public arena?

Would the public knowledge of 2005 Phase 1 results, outside of a civilized 
"brownfield" regulatory context, leave Washooski liable for a host of historical 
environmental "crimes" that he had little or nothing to do with? Would the 
public knowledge of Phase 1 results by the C.D.E.Q., outside of the normal 
"brownfield" regulatory context, require personnel of that state government body 
to exercise "due diligence". Would the C.D.E.Q. limit its involvement in grant
funded contamination evaluation and remediation process of a site with probable 
chemical contamination problems, according to the documented professional 
opinion of Bigcock and Co. Engineering professionals. Would the C.D.E.Q. have
any reason to pursue some currently unidentified basis for the apparently
unsubstantiated, professional, malicious, fear inspiring, gossip of Flea

From Stranger's perspective of public business, given there was no public
knowledge of significant contamination of the property, then why should Washooski
risk his further victimization, by making his property the subject of a Phase II 
Subsurface Investigation, by accepting the C.D.D.A.'s offer? If he did not 
"need" the potential sales money, as a junkie might need drugs, why not leave 
the property to his kids, or to the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to 

If, as the Chimpantique City Manager emphasized, at the latest C.D.D.A. meeting, 
"Washooski is liable forever, for the chemical contamination of his property", 
and if Flea McDougle was not engaging in pure unsubstantiated speculation when 
she said "...the cost of cleanup could likely exceed 10 times the considered 
value of the property..." and if the factual data of the Phase 1 assessment was 
correct, then, as far as Stranger was concerned, Washooski was doing the right 
thing. Stranger did not know why Washooski needed to volunteer for that level of 
promised grief in his family's life. 

By closing the salvaged metal reclamation yard, and removing the scrap, 
Washooski removed the only known cause for legal action, known to the public, to 
zero. He could get on with his life, as a man unafraid of productive manual 
labor, and let future generations deal with the consequences of the historical 
sack of shit dumped upon him by those that chose to treat him as less than a 

Citizen chimps of Chimpantique could then deal with the consequences and costs 
of metal junk dumped throughout the community, or the cost of disposing of it 
legally. The C.D.D.A. plans would continue to be hindered. The C.D.D.A and general
public could continue to wonder aloud why Washooski behaved in such an "irrational"
manner, for as long as it took to extort the property, or obtain it in a
civilized, and mutually agreeable manner.  

Was the Baseline Environmental Assessment, started outside of the "normal" 
regulatory process, a deliberate attempt to make Washooski more vulnerable to 
legal extortion? Stranger had little doubt that Chimpantique City Attorney "Don" 
Filorini, and his protege, ex-City Manager Yup-Yup, had influenced the manner in 
which the C.D.D.A. approached its coercive "negotiations" with Washooski. What 
Stranger did not know, as fact, was the apparent malicious intent behind much of 
what he perceived, currently. As Stranger knew, contrary to Flea McDougle's 
quoted assertions, public business is not, necessarily, public knowledge.


Stranger attended his first, and last, Chimpantique Brownfield Authority Board
meeting. He noted numerous unfamiliar "outatown" faces at the Board table.
He noticed that he could not deduce the purpose of their presence, from the agenda.
He noticed no public comment period on the agenda, even though the Brownfield Board
formulated important local policy to obtain and spend public funds, on local
infrastructure projects. Stranger had that familiar deja vu feeling concerning a
past dispute with the Chimpcraft County 9-1-1 Committee, over the creation of public
policy and the spending of public funds by a government entity that excluded public
participation by those without an overt personal vested interest in the public
business being considered.

Stranger knew there was something "wrong", when he read the agenda, and looked
around at all the unexpected and unfamiliar "professional power broker" faces that
he could not connect to agenda items. He knew there was something wrong when city
policy for acquiring and spending grant money was discussed, with no provisions for
public comment. He knew there was something wrong when a C.D.E.Q. official was
explaining a likely funding scenario for a possible 2007, $750,000 grant funded
cleanup for Chimpantique's chemical contaminated industrial park, based on a
requirement that the city and county industrial parks were connected by a road, of
which the right of way had been transferred to the Chimpantique Prison. He knew
something was wrong when Chimpanistan Association of Counties environmental
consultant, Flea McDougle, was running the meeting more than C.E.D.C. Director

He knew something was wrong when no Board discussion centered on creating
industrial park sites that potential buyers could utilize with a minimum of
government interference and consequential wasted time. It was if the time element,
and necessary environmental policy requirements, related to the considerable Offline
Engineering foul-up, did not exist. To Stranger, it appeared as if everyone suffered
from amnesia, especially if any of the Board had any reason to believe any of the
aftermath excuses from any member of Chimpantique City government and administration.
It occurred to Stranger that Board members acted as if the major "reason" for the
host of early whimsical decisions, regarding the Offline Engineering fiasco, had no
relevance to that old business maxim, "Time is money.".  

Stranger knew there was a communication problem, when he could not read the agenda
and know, or deduce, that part of the discussed business would be the lack of,
allegedly due to time constraints, a B.E.A. for the city industrial site leased by
Offline Engineering L.L.C.. According to C.D.E.Q. official, Stan Sawitt, Offline's
apparent choice to ignore an advised B.E.A. made Offline liable for a history of
chemical contamination, by the letter of the law.

Stranger knew there was a problem when he could not raise questions about the
value of an extensive grant funded Phase 1,2, and 3 contamination assessment,
in 1997, that included the Offline industrial site. No one showed any awareness
of the possible value of that 1997 assessment that, logically, should limit any
potential liability to Offline to what contamination they add to the property.

Stranger knew there was a problem when he could not raise questions about the
value of Flea McDougle's prior unsubstantiated publicized claims regarding the
Washooski properties.

Stranger knew there was a problem with communication when, at the C.D.D.A.
meeting of 05/16/06, he was assured that C.D.D.A. funds would remain earmarked
for the Washooski properties, and at the Brownfield Board meeting of 05/25/06,
City Manager Alderpoor told board members that the Washooski property was "off
the list" and the funds were now earmarked for properties to the north and south.
A side discussion, including Mayor Peckerwood, left little doubt that Peckerwood
had voiced a "no way" was the Washooski property going back on the list.

No one, including Mayor Peckerwood, City Manager Alderpoor, Director of the
Chimpanicraft County Economic Development Corporation, Arlene Koatimundi, and the
Chimpanistan Association of Counties environmental consultant, Flea McDougle, and
a variety of community movers and shakers, indicated any recognition of Stranger's
attempt to be recognized. He was as invisible as any black chimp attending a
W.A.S.P. government meeting. A self serving power structure had it under control,
and wanted it left that way, regardless of open meetings legislation.

It was time for Stranger to walk away from all new public business. It was time
for him to tie up the loose ends of numerous political editorials that needed
closure. It was time to let the chimps rule, unconcerned by the lessons of local
history, and rules of civilized behavior and ethical public policy. Stranger was
now convinced that it was impossible for chimps to behave as humans, because
they were unable to change their behaviour, or, if they could, they preferred to
act like chimps. He didn't have enough years left, or reasons, to continue his
efforts to modify local chimp behaviour based on his incorrect hypothesis that
chimps had a desire to learn, with the goal in mind to minimize historical

Stranger knew that those unable to learn or without the desire to learn, for
whatever reason, will not learn. Stranger perceived the choice to remain ignorant
was endemic among Chimpantique's governing chimps, that, if they had the ability
and desire to learn, regarding their chosen government responsibilities, they
chose not to meet their elected responsibilities to make informed and ethical
decisions, based on the merits of the business considered, in the best interest
of the electorate, in general.

Once again, Stranger thought of Flea McDougle's empty words, uttered as an apparent
confidence trickster, "When its a public process, everything is above-board and out
in the open."

It was obvious, by what Stranger witnessed, that there was little to nothing in
common with his, and the C.D.D.A.'s and Brownfield Board's understanding of the
meaning of "public process", "everything", "above board", and "open". Once again,
chimps made up the rules as they went along, constantly re-inventing language and
the wheel, at public expense, with no reason for Stranger to contemplate an end,
before the species became extinct.

It was time for Stranger to do other things, after reaching his substantiated 
conclusion that life, for many, was better spent screwing a neighbour, than
helping one.  


While taking an evening stroll, on 09/14/06, Stranger found Washooski hard at work
disassembling the old crane he had parked on his property to maintain evidence of
ownership and to discourage the public use of his private property, and, hopefully,
to motivate local officials to purchase the land. Stranger inquired whether the
crane removal was a good omen, and was told the opposite. Washooski was forced to
remove it by the consequences of a "blight and public hazard complaint".

Having more than a fair understanding of, and experience with, the power of
flexible ethics and selective law enforcement, by Chimpantique's public officials,
Stranger wondered aloud why the rest of Chimpantique's more permanent, worse, and
obvious, "blight and public hazards" remained ignorred, while the temporary
barricades that Washooski was forced to use to maintain a degree of control over his
property were worthy of so much attention. Stranger had seen all sorts of temporary
barricades come and go on Washooski's riverside property, and he knew that public
vandalism and legal coersion rendered them ineffective.

Stranger knew that far more recent blight and public hazard existed on Chimpantique
Papers Inc.'s property, directly across the Chimpantique River, from Washooski's.
As much as Stranger wished to remain distant from the continuing melodrama
surrounding Washooski's property, he knew that he would not remain silent.


After reading the 01/18/07 edition of the Chimpantique Tribune, Stranger was 
left to wonder about the nature of a recent offer for Washooski's property, by 
the Chimpantique D.D.A., as reported in the newspaper. The rejected offer news 
was a one liner, within a report regarding a recent C.D.D.A. goal setting session,
"Less than 24 hours after that Spring meeting, one of the major items tumbled
off the list, when Washooski rejected the DDA's latest proposal to purchase his
property."  The offer may have been, or not, nothing more than a repeat of
the last C.D.D.A. offer. It was time to chat with City Manager Alderpoor, and
determine if there was anything new associated with the offer.

On 01/19/07 Stranger walked to City Hall and found Sheena accessible for some 
informal conversation, regarding some of the local issues that interested him. 
After their conversation, Stranger considered the latest Washooski wrinkle, and the 
following morning began to write.

The C.D.D.A. had repeated their last offer of $196,500, based upon nothing more 
than their original appraisal, from the appraiser the City hired. What was of
significant interest to Stranger was Alderpoor's statement that state, and, perhaps,
federal environmental officials, had spoken to Washooski to assure him that it was
not their intent to take him to the cleaners, after he sold the property. As 
Stranger understood Alderpoor, his understanding of the philosophy behind the 
regulations was correct. It allowed for a sale, at a fair price, and minimized 
the seller's and purchaser's liability risks, as Stranger wrote of, earlier.

Given that understanding, and no crystal ball, Stranger was left to ponder why 
no meeting of the minds had been reached.

With no communication with Washooski since finding him cutting up his crane, on 
09/14/06, Stranger was left to little more than his own imagination, while 
playing the "Washooski Advocate". In that context, several possible aspects of 
the impasse were evident to him.

The latest offer made by the City was based upon the sole appraisal from the 
appraiser the City hired, as Stranger wrote of, earlier. It was highly unlikely 
that appraisal was any more "correct" than the Chimpantique Behavioral Health's 
low appraisal, written about, previously.

It was highly unlikely that private verbal reassurances, from government 
officials, would be of any value to Washooski, during any legal disagreement
after the sale. Given the city's extortion attempts, and all the ugly 
public statements, on the public record, made by various public officials, 
regarding Washooski's alleged huge liability, he was already "guilty" by a flood 
of poisonous public accusations and innuendo. No one with any public clout was 
part of the public record, standing by Washooski and refuting the vile 
speculative "doomsday" allegations of Mayor Peckerwood and Flea McDougle.

Washooski had no reason to trust anyone, and neither did his lawyer.

As a consequence of the City's actions to coerce and vilify Washooski, he was 
forced to seek legal protection and representation, the cost of which should be 
borne by those that treated him so uncivilly. His expenses for legal 
representation should be added to an agreeable fair market price of the 

To be edited, as required...

For those that care, and wish to learn more, try a Google search of the 
following, or anything else that may be relevant.

michigan baseline environmental assessment requirements for local government

For those that might see a similarity between characters in this fable, and any 
past or present person, government official, or employee of the City of 
Manistique; your speculation is appropriate. I chose to base the fable's 
characters on real people. I chose to base the events of the fable's plot on 
personal observation and subsequent speculation about what may have occurred in 
the City of Manistique, in Schoolcraft County, Michigan. It is far easier, and 
more creative, for me to write about that which I think I know, than to invent 
pure fiction concerning the betrayal of public trust, by public officials and
their employees.

Pure fiction and deliberate deception are far more the appropriate jurisdiction
of many characters in the fable.
 © 2006-2007